Last week I went on two first dates. I found one while fishing a a few weeks ago and the other was from Match, which I signed up for after another email from someone with just "sup" in the body.
Phil and I have been emailing back and forth for a couple of weeks now. I tend to loose interest in them fast if we don't meet with in about a week, so I asked him if he wanted to meet. He was down for it and we met at one of my favorite bars here. Velvet Tango Room has the best cocktails and I finally got to try one of the fizzes. I've been holding off because gin is not an alcohol I enjoy but I could barely taste it. Any hoodle, back to the date. He was really nice and extremely easy to talk to. He was a little bit more on the pudgy side then I would like but I'm not going to be too picky there. We can change that in a jiff. We have several things in common such as education, sciencey jobs, and a couple of other things. I think the mistake of the evening came when we discussed a topic that should probably never be talked of on the 1st date. But, honestly, I'd rather just get it out there. We talked religion. I was raised catholic, don't practice and I question the existence of god. He is christian, corrected me when I said catholic and even gave a little discourse on it. I am ok with dating someone who is religious/believes in god. Just don't try to convert me or bring me over to your side. It's not going to happen. He, apparently, is not. Because that is the only explanation I have for how the evening ended. He paid and then abruptly ended the evening by saying he had to go, early to work, blah blah, and almost walked out the door with out me. Did not walk me to my car. Did not say have a good night or it's been fun I'll call you. He really almost ran to his car. I have never had a date do that. They at least lie to me a little. There is always a hug or a handshake. I would have been willing to try a 2nd date or even just be friends. He was fun to talk to. But I haven't heard from him, and it's been almost a week. SO, I'm writing him off.
John is a dentist and was my second date. He contacted me and the emails were a little brief but adequate. He also initiated meeting. The date was originally set for Thursday evening but due to a late office call John rescheduled it for Friday. This is after I showered, did my hair and makeup and was basically ready to step out the door. But no matter, I can be breezy. We decided to try the wine tasting event at our local market the next day. I had never heard about it and was slightly disappointed that I had never gone in the 3 years I've lived near it. I showed up at the appointed time to no date. A text went unanswered for 10 minutes but he did finally call saying he got stuck at work and would be there in 10. Fine. When he got there I found him rather attractive but the conversation was lacking. It could be a multiple of things. He's tired from a long day at work. Wine tasting in a large loud crowd makes talking difficult. I'm a bit rumpled from having to wait 30 minutes. All in all it wasn't my worst first date. It ended with a hug from him and a not so subtle hint from me that I would like to see him again. I, however, have not heard from him. Do I follow up? or move on to the next one? There was one odd thing that stuck out. He asked me several times if I would or have dated middle eastern men. I have not but I would. I find the dark olivey complexion attractive. Which explains why I was him. He was Indian. I still have no idea where he was going with this but it was odd.
A 30ish amateur runner chronicles her quest for a PR and BF. Exhaustion, Chafing and other Similarities!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
GRRRR!!!
For the past couple of weeks I've been taking a self defense course. I've never really had a reason to do this in the past. No one has ever pushed the limits of my personal space but a friend felt it was good to have in my back pocket. I do go out on a lot of dates, mostly firsts, and unless I'm feeling lazy my runs are in the early predawn morning. The class met once a week for four weeks. The first week we learned punches and protective stances. Kicks were covered the second week and we went over grabs and a ground assault in the third. The fourth class was both exciting and scary. We were going to use our knowledge against an actual attack!! I at first thought this was crazy and an unnecessary use of my time but I went through with the simulation. I even went first! Boy, was I wrong. Even though I knew it was fake and the two very large guys wouldn't really hurt me I panicked and barely remembered to yell "STOP!" All I could think of was to kick 'em in their "areas". Once I had some breathing room I remembered to punch, kick, scream and all the other important stuff. They and a fellow student were nice enough to let me take a picture.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Tourney!!
I did another competition this past weekend. And I have to say I'm still a little sore from it. Mostly due to 9 total hours in the car. This competition was fun and I did not have to train for it, much. I joined 4 other friends for a FLIP CUP TOURNAMENT!!! We practiced flipping the night before and we had a pretty good showing. We won our first round 3-2, better then we expected. The second round didn't go so well and we soon found ourselves in the losers bracket and were knocked out in a our 3rd round. Apparently, we peaked early!
There were some teams there that must spend hours a day flipping cups. The team here has won the tournament 4 years in a row and won again this year. If flipping cups were art they'd all be Michelangelo. It seriously was like watching dominoes fall down the line. Bam, bam, bam! If they missed a flip, they only missed once and landed it on the second try. It was something to behold. I, however, am not sure I would want to be known as the best flip cup team ever. I'm satisfied with being mediocre in this.
Friday, October 21, 2011
At least I have my toenails!
I haven't yet addressed some of the issues that go along with running. When I first started, no more then 4-5 miles on my long runs, I really didn't have any. It wasn't till I got to 10 miles that I saw problems. Mostly with chaffing and my toes.
Chaffing is easily solved by the use of Glide or vaseline. You just have to remember to put it on, especially when you try out a new article of clothing. Some of my worst chafes have been from new shirts, where the arm rubs against the side seam. I've also experienced a constant chafe on the underside of my breasts. Glide is useful for the arms/thighs but doesn't work so well for some other areas. I've found that if you put a nice layer of Aquaphor on it really takes care of the problem. Aquaphor is also the solution if you already have the chafe. I used to just use the sample size you get at the expos but have since invested in the large size. It's for the best, I think I'll be running for awhile.
The toes have been a problem as you can see. When I hit 10 miles I found that my pinky would slip under the next toe and because of the friction would blister. That's when I found clothe tape. A little wrapped around the pinky prevented it from slipping under and blocked the friction. That is until I hit 15 miles. Then the next toe in started acting up, so I taped that one too. At 20 it didn't matter if I taped or not I still had blisters on both. After talking with the people at my local running store we came up with the idea of trying toed socks. They have them for running for people who choose to use Vibram's five finger "shoes". It really helped. I still occassionaly got blisters but nothing to bad.
The pic above of my black toe is a blood blister I got from the Detroit marathon. It's slowly going away and looks way worse then it feels. I don't even notice it. Most runners lose toenails after awhile. I'm thankful that hasn't happened yet. I lost a thumb nail once and it was very disconcerting. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose multiple toenails. So, I've had regular toe blisters, blood blisters, bloody achilles, and chafing in many MANY places, but at least I have my toenails!!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
A Glutton.....
......For Punishment.
I just can't go 4 days with out something on the books. I just signed up for 6 months with match.com, cause let's face it, Fishing has offered up very little. I just registered for an indoor TRI. And I registered for a Turkey Trot. I realize none of these are that big of a deal. The indoor TRI is easy peasy. 10 minute swim, 30 minutes on a stationary bike and 20 minute run on a treadmill. The winner is determined on how far you go. I will not be a winner per se, but at least I'm out there.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Popped my cherry
This past Sunday I turned in my V card for marathons. Yes, that's right, I am no longer a 26.2 virgin.
I barely slept the night before. I was up and down several times. Did I set my alarm for the right time? Was it loud enough? Did I accidentally set it to silent? Did I have everything I needed? Of course everything was set right and I was just nervous.
I was ready with plenty of time to chat with other runners in the coral. I spoke with one girl who was so excited that she was going to reward herself with a full stack of vegetarian/organic blueberry pancakes. I told her that I was going to do the same thing but with full on chocolate chip pancakes and a huge glass of milk!
I found my pace group that I planned to stick with for at least the first half, if not the whole thing. The leader was talkative, fun and gave great advice. And who knows, maybe if I had stuck with him I would have done better. But I didn't stick with him. I lost him very early in the run. And by lost, I mean I ran ahead. Something I told myself I would not do.
The first hurdle of the run was to go over the Ambassador Bridge. It's roughly a mile long and has a climb of about 150ft. I ran all of that bad boy! And I didn't go crazy running down it like I normally do. I held back and I was very proud of myself for it.
The next hurdle was the underwater mile! It took place in the tunnel between Canada and Detroit. You go down 150ft and then up 150ft. It's basically like the bridge but under the Detroit river instead of over. And it's way harder. On the bridge you can see the end, you know what's coming. The tunnel is different, you can't see the end until you're right up on it. Also, it's a little claustrophobic. But I made it through with only a very short walk break which is good cause I had to take a pee break as soon as I got out. I think I lost 5 minutes there but I was still on pace.
I stopped once at a first aid station for Vaseline. And it was the best thing to do. I almost want to say it works better then the Glide. Messier, yes, but works longer.
My parents were at the halfway point and it really gave me a boost. I was still on pace and hitting my marks if not ahead of time then on time. But seeing them there really made me light up and I think I had the biggest smile I've ever!
The final hurdle was the mental and physical challenges. It got kind of lonely after the 1/2 marathoners split from the full. There were less people running with you. Less people cheering. But it picked up when we ran through a neighborhood. They actually held parties on their front lawns. Bonfires, DJ's, and at mile 17 one group passed out shots of Miller High Life to the runners. It was the best worst beer I have ever tasted!
I got into trouble around the 20/21 mile mark. I could feel my calf starting to cramp. My knee and hips were aching and if I wasn't scared they would make me throw up I probably would have stopped at another first aid station for Tylenol.
Besides the physical issues I also had mental problems. 20 miles was the longest I had ever gone in training. The last 6 was all new territory. And it was scary.
I cried 3 times! At 21, mostly because it had started to rain. It was a brief period but it was just one more thing that made the run difficult. At 24 because my hip and knee were really bothering me and I never thought I was going to make it. I tried to walk it off but it seamed to hurt even more when I made the transition from walk to run but I couldn't keep up running on it. It was really a double edged sword.
I really broke down at the finish. It was a combination of several things. 1. I was finally at the finish, I never thought I'd make it. 2. I saw my parents waiting for me. And 3. I had just finished a huge feat!
I am sure there are a lot more things that happened during this race but I think I've blocked them out. Currently, my quads hurt. My hips are tight. My ankles feel swollen and my calves are sore. Basically, everything hurts! And you might be thinking, "Wow! At least she finished and she can cross it off her list and not think about it anymore." And if I wasn't a masochist you'd be correct. But what's the point of training and only doing one marathon?
The next goal is to have a better time. I came in at 5:31:38. My goal was 4:40-5:00. I'm still happy with my time. I finished and I wasn't last. I don't think I was prepared for how mentally challenging a marathon is. Next time I'll be better prepared. Starting with putting a friend/family member at mile 21. A marathon is not a one person sport. You need a team to get you through and I'm thankful my family is supportive, cause I'm going to need them again in a couple of months.
I barely slept the night before. I was up and down several times. Did I set my alarm for the right time? Was it loud enough? Did I accidentally set it to silent? Did I have everything I needed? Of course everything was set right and I was just nervous.
I was ready with plenty of time to chat with other runners in the coral. I spoke with one girl who was so excited that she was going to reward herself with a full stack of vegetarian/organic blueberry pancakes. I told her that I was going to do the same thing but with full on chocolate chip pancakes and a huge glass of milk!
I found my pace group that I planned to stick with for at least the first half, if not the whole thing. The leader was talkative, fun and gave great advice. And who knows, maybe if I had stuck with him I would have done better. But I didn't stick with him. I lost him very early in the run. And by lost, I mean I ran ahead. Something I told myself I would not do.
The first hurdle of the run was to go over the Ambassador Bridge. It's roughly a mile long and has a climb of about 150ft. I ran all of that bad boy! And I didn't go crazy running down it like I normally do. I held back and I was very proud of myself for it.
The next hurdle was the underwater mile! It took place in the tunnel between Canada and Detroit. You go down 150ft and then up 150ft. It's basically like the bridge but under the Detroit river instead of over. And it's way harder. On the bridge you can see the end, you know what's coming. The tunnel is different, you can't see the end until you're right up on it. Also, it's a little claustrophobic. But I made it through with only a very short walk break which is good cause I had to take a pee break as soon as I got out. I think I lost 5 minutes there but I was still on pace.
I stopped once at a first aid station for Vaseline. And it was the best thing to do. I almost want to say it works better then the Glide. Messier, yes, but works longer.
My parents were at the halfway point and it really gave me a boost. I was still on pace and hitting my marks if not ahead of time then on time. But seeing them there really made me light up and I think I had the biggest smile I've ever!
The final hurdle was the mental and physical challenges. It got kind of lonely after the 1/2 marathoners split from the full. There were less people running with you. Less people cheering. But it picked up when we ran through a neighborhood. They actually held parties on their front lawns. Bonfires, DJ's, and at mile 17 one group passed out shots of Miller High Life to the runners. It was the best worst beer I have ever tasted!
I got into trouble around the 20/21 mile mark. I could feel my calf starting to cramp. My knee and hips were aching and if I wasn't scared they would make me throw up I probably would have stopped at another first aid station for Tylenol.
Besides the physical issues I also had mental problems. 20 miles was the longest I had ever gone in training. The last 6 was all new territory. And it was scary.
I cried 3 times! At 21, mostly because it had started to rain. It was a brief period but it was just one more thing that made the run difficult. At 24 because my hip and knee were really bothering me and I never thought I was going to make it. I tried to walk it off but it seamed to hurt even more when I made the transition from walk to run but I couldn't keep up running on it. It was really a double edged sword.
I really broke down at the finish. It was a combination of several things. 1. I was finally at the finish, I never thought I'd make it. 2. I saw my parents waiting for me. And 3. I had just finished a huge feat!
I am sure there are a lot more things that happened during this race but I think I've blocked them out. Currently, my quads hurt. My hips are tight. My ankles feel swollen and my calves are sore. Basically, everything hurts! And you might be thinking, "Wow! At least she finished and she can cross it off her list and not think about it anymore." And if I wasn't a masochist you'd be correct. But what's the point of training and only doing one marathon?
The next goal is to have a better time. I came in at 5:31:38. My goal was 4:40-5:00. I'm still happy with my time. I finished and I wasn't last. I don't think I was prepared for how mentally challenging a marathon is. Next time I'll be better prepared. Starting with putting a friend/family member at mile 21. A marathon is not a one person sport. You need a team to get you through and I'm thankful my family is supportive, cause I'm going to need them again in a couple of months.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Less then 35 Hours
As any of my friends and family will tell you I am a planner. I typically have my weekends planned a month ahead. I like knowing what's coming.
I leave today for Toledo and then tomorrow I will head up to Detroit for my first full marathon, in case you are just tuning in. And I have EVERYTHING planned. I made a long list yesterday at work (it was a slow day and let's face it, I'm hardly thinking of anything else) of everything I will need. This list was then divided into smaller lists of what I will need before, during and after the race, so that it can be appropriately packed. I placed my sweats, new pair of socks and sports sandals in my gear bag for after the race. My skirt, tank and sleeves, if the weather cooperates in my gym bag, along with my hydration belt preloaded with my GU of choice. I also placed in there my tights and a long sleeve tecT in case the weather doesn't cooperate. But while I was packing and running through things in my head, I realized that I had missed the two most important pieces. Articles that can not be purchased at the expo and used for the run. My shoes and my passport. Now, you may be thinking, "Shoes I get but passport?" Detroit is an international race and crosses into Canada twice, I think. The race officials have been very clear on the fact that you need proper paperwork in order to pick up your race packet. And proper paperwork means a passport. Can you imagine the horror I would feel if I got there and had no passport? I've been checking my purse every couple of hours making sure that some elf hasn't stolen it.
I've also made a list of times. I know what time I need to check in and therefore I know what time I need to leave Toledo. I know when I want to be at the expo, how long it will take to walk there, and how long I will be there. I know where I will be eating dinner Saturday night, what I will order and how long it will take to walk from the expo to dinner and then to the hotel. What time I will be in bed and hopefully, asleep. I know how long it will take me to get ready in the morning, how long to walk to the start line and what time I need to be there. Therefore, I know what time I need to wake up, 5:00am if you're wondering.
These plans are all well and good........if I was going alone. I stick to my schedule like a well trained Pavlovian dog. If something interferes with it, I likely have already formed a contingency plan in advance and just need to make the necessary adjustments, like my tights and long sleeve T. But I am not going alone. My parents, bless them, are coming with me. I can't quiet remember how that conversation went but based on the tussle over the TRI, I assume I strongly suggested they be there. My reasons are 3 fold:
1. I just need someone at the finish. If I know someone is there and expecting me at a certain time the likely hood of me giving up decreases astronomically.
2. If anything happens they are my emergency contact and if they aren't there it's going to take them at least 2 hours to get there.
3. Based on my recent Akron run, driving after is not a good idea. My muscles just freeze up. This way my dad can drive and I can take a snooze in the heated seats.
I love my parents already and having them at my first marathon, standing 5 hours in what will probably be the cold and rain makes me not only love them more but appreciate how blessed my sister and I were. I will take the stress they may put on my well laid plans, hopefully with patience that will spring forth in my time of need, in order to have them witness a bucket list feat.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
To pill or not
Short and sweet today, people.
This explains so many of my recent dates. My estrogen has overrun my realist mind. The paper below explains more fully.
Women on the pill pick boring lovers but good husbands.
This explains so many of my recent dates. My estrogen has overrun my realist mind. The paper below explains more fully.
Women on the pill pick boring lovers but good husbands.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
A Puppy
Puppies are great! They're cute, fun, energetic and make you feel young again. But they get into trouble, chew your shoes, piddle where they're not supposed to and THEY ARE ALWAYS ON THE GO.
This is the conundrum I find myself in at the moment. I recently went on a date with a 24yo. He's cute, fun, energetic and seems like he'd be a good time. He's going from sunup to sundown. But I've dated younger before and the time you have to put into it is exhausting. Do I want to put the time in to "train" him? Is it worth it? I don't see this going long term. Wouldn't it be easier to find an older guy who already knows how to date? But then we're both set in our ways it becomes a game of chicken! These are the things I weigh every time I go out with some one and I'm starting to feel like it's to much work period!
This is the conundrum I find myself in at the moment. I recently went on a date with a 24yo. He's cute, fun, energetic and seems like he'd be a good time. He's going from sunup to sundown. But I've dated younger before and the time you have to put into it is exhausting. Do I want to put the time in to "train" him? Is it worth it? I don't see this going long term. Wouldn't it be easier to find an older guy who already knows how to date? But then we're both set in our ways it becomes a game of chicken! These are the things I weigh every time I go out with some one and I'm starting to feel like it's to much work period!
Monday, October 10, 2011
5 days, 10 hours
I'm scared. I've never been this scared in my entire life and that includes sitting in a hospital after a car accident, multiple grad school interviews and a major job interview. It outstrips my anxiety over buying a house. I wasn't half as freaked out as I am now when I ran my first half marathon.
A FULL! I'm going to do a full in 5 days, 10 hours. Ishould will be finished in 5 days, 14 hours and 40 minutes +/- 20 (probably +). I ran a short 8 miles on Saturday and I just did not feel good about it. My shins hurt and I walked more then I should have. I don't feel ready! But do you ever? Probably not. I just have to remember I've done a couple 20 mile runs. I only need to add 6 more. And, the only pressure to finish it at a certain time is from me. No matter what time I finish, it will automatically be a PR. I just need to finish and not collapse at the end.
That's it. I can't think about this anymore! Where's my Xanax?
A FULL! I'm going to do a full in 5 days, 10 hours. I
That's it. I can't think about this anymore! Where's my Xanax?
Friday, October 7, 2011
Pink Gorilla? Really?
Confession time. I do most of my dating online. No, I don't email forever or only text. But the guys I do go out with are guys I find on certain dating sites. I sometimes will get the occasional question from friends and family, "Why don't you find guys in bars or at work? Or even the grocery store?"
Honestly, I do my grocery shopping either very early or very late. Hence, I'm typically in my running/yoga clothes or jeans and a sweat shirt, sometimes even PJish clothing. The one time I stopped in after going somewhere dressy I fell on my bum. An old man passing told me, "That's what you get for wearing those shoes!" I wasn't even in my highest heel! And WORK!! That will just be awkward. If I went out a couple of time with someone from work and it ended badly I would have to see that person if not every day then at least once a week. I'd probably get immune to it but I'd rather not have to deal with it. And let's say it did work out. I still would have to see that person everyday! I like having a little break from my significant other. I don't think I could take 24/7 for THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Bars are a whole different thing entirely. When I go to bars I'm usually with friends. And I go to socialize with those friends. We discuss life, both ours and others. We have fun just us. Once, I went to a local bar with Jane and Cece, my friends for at least the past 17 years if not more, and were having a great time. Jane and I got into a deep discussion on politics and religion. At this time our view points were contrary and I'm sure the discussion was heated, when we were interrupted by some guys with shots. We didn't turn down the shots but we did continue our conversation which lead to the gentlemen leaving shortly after sitting down. My point is, the majority of my time at bars is to socialize with my friends.
On the rare occasion that I do go out to hunt it typically ends in confusion the next day. Yes, I have given my number out and taken numbers but I almost always end up with something like this....
Who wants to answer the phone or text from "Pink Gorilla"? Or a "Moroccan Chef"? Or even "Cavs"? A) I don't think I've ever met a Cavs player but even if I did I'm way to intimidated to follow through. B)If it's not a player then why do I have it saved as "Cavs"?
Online dating is just easier. I get a glimpse of their life, assuming they are telling the truth, and I can decide if it fits with mine without putting in too much time and effort. And let's face it, I have a lot going on from spring to mid fall. I don't have time waste sitting in a bar waiting for Mister Right to drunkenly stumble into me. And, alcohol severely impacts my training. Even just 2 beers. I am thinking of joining a running club. Maybe, I'll find Mister Right there.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The Fall
Ah, the Fall. Football, chili, a crispness in the air and gourds. I walked into my works cafeteria the other day for a salad and they had embellished the salad bar with decorative gourds. Which reminded me of my FAVORITE open letter of all time. And if you think this has nothing to do with running click the link at the end!
It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers.
BY Colin Nissan via McSweeney's
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.
I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I’m going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”
Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing an all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Diff’rent Strokes—specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation. Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it? Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they’re both extremely fucking real. Sorry if that’s upsetting, but I’m not doing you any favors by shielding you from this anymore.
The next thing I’m going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I’m going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it’s not summer, it’s not winter, and it’s not spring. Grab a calendar and pull your fucking heads out of your asses; it’s fall, fuckers.
Have you ever been in an Italian deli with salamis hanging from their ceiling? Well then you’re going to fucking love my house. Just look where you’re walking or you’ll get KO’d by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swinging from above. And when you do, you’re going to hear a very loud, very stereotypical Italian laugh coming from me. Consider yourself warned.
For now, all I plan to do is to throw on a flannel shirt, some tattered overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the middle of a cornfield for a few days. The first crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way back to summer.
Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!
Canadian Rogue Gourd!
I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I’m going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”
Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing an all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Diff’rent Strokes—specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation. Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it? Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they’re both extremely fucking real. Sorry if that’s upsetting, but I’m not doing you any favors by shielding you from this anymore.
The next thing I’m going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I’m going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it’s not summer, it’s not winter, and it’s not spring. Grab a calendar and pull your fucking heads out of your asses; it’s fall, fuckers.
Have you ever been in an Italian deli with salamis hanging from their ceiling? Well then you’re going to fucking love my house. Just look where you’re walking or you’ll get KO’d by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swinging from above. And when you do, you’re going to hear a very loud, very stereotypical Italian laugh coming from me. Consider yourself warned.
For now, all I plan to do is to throw on a flannel shirt, some tattered overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the middle of a cornfield for a few days. The first crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way back to summer.
Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!
Canadian Rogue Gourd!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
I TRI
This past August I did my first Triathlon. I had signed up for it at the end of May or early June and had plenty of time to train. I was also training for my first marathon and this would fit in nicely. I decided to do the Sprint division, 0.4mile swim, 16mile bike, 3.1mile run. No problem! I had the run in the bag, I can do 3.1 in my sleep. But I was a little worried about the bike and swim portion. I had never competed in either and hadn't been on a real bike in probably 20 years. This was going to take work.
I borrowed a mountain bike from Jemma and started biking with it. The bike was a Trec and super heavy but it would have to do. It's all I had. I started with a 4 mile ride around the block, slowly working my way up to 10 miles. Biking is completely different then running! I thought my legs were strong from training for the marathon but it turns out only some muscles were strong. Others were weak and needed to be strengthened.
Swimming was different. I already had a community pool around the corner from me and I have purchased a pass for the last 2 years. They have adult swim in the evenings and the pool is equipped with lanes. Again, I started out slow, perfecting my stroke and breathing. I started with 10 lengths of a 25 meter pool and worked up to 40, 40 equals about .6 miles. I had my 3 stroke breathing down and felt strong in the water in the weeks running up to the race.
The pool water that is. The TRI was in open water and I had yet to try swimming in it. Over 4th of July weekend at a cousins cottage I tried open water swimming. It should be easy. I've been swimming in that lake since the age of 6! It wasn't. I don't know if it's that fact that I could see nothing through my goggles or that I had no concept of where land was. I panicked several times and eventually gave up for the day. I tried a couple of days later in a correy by my parents house. The water was clearer and I could see the shore during my swim. I made it through that with out feeling any anxiety. I still knew the real TRI would be very difficult in the harbor on Lake Erie.
The week before the TRI I could do 10 miles on a bike, 0.6miles in the water and definitely had the 3.1mile run. However, it was pointed out to me by some guys I work with, Paul and John, that I had never actually done them in sequence. I hadn't strung then together. Yeah, I could do my bike ride but could I run after? How would biking and running in mens speedo shorts work?
They had me all hopped up and nervous! I went home that day after work, got all my stuff together, stuffed the bike in the back of my car and hightailed it to the pool in the clothes I wanted to do the TRI in. I did my 30 lengths, jumped out and ran to my car. Once there I pulled out the bike and hit the road. Up until now the furthest I had gone on a bike was 10 miles. Once I reached 10 that day I knew I still had 6 in me, so I pushed on and completed the bike portion at my house. I dropped the bike and ran the 1.5 miles back to the pool to pick up my car. The transition from swim to bike is not that difficult. You mostly use your arms in the swim and your legs are well rested. This does not hold true for the switch from bike to run. On the bike my legs felt great, I thought I still had energy and strength to do the run. However, once I started running my legs turned to jello! I felt slow and wobbly. They cleared up after a mile or so. I had done it! I had strung all three activities together and survived. THE RACE WAS MINE!
The day before the race I was sent into a little panic. My goggles had sprung a leak and I needed new ones. I'm afraid I petrified the poor lifeguard opening the pool that morning. I HAD to try my new goggles and the pool technically wasn't open for another 45 minutes. I don't know if it was because I was a regular or the fear on my face but she let me in to do a couple of laps. I will always be grateful for that. It made the next day that much easier knowing that the new goggles felt good and that I had basically already done the TRI the week before.
The day of the TRI my parents and I went down to the harbor. I left them to set up my transition area and jockey for the best space. Then I had to wait for my wave. That was the hardest part. I just wanted to start. When they let my wave in the water I thought, "Ok, I'm ready for this!" However, they were not. We had to tread water for 4 MINUTES before we could actually start. It was excruciating. The swim is the hardest. Everyone is in a pack, you can't get around anyone, you have swimmers scratching your feet with their hands and people are unknowingly (I hope) kicking you. I took in a LOT of water but emerged breathless 10 minutes after I started!
The bike and run portion were easy. Yes, there were hills but you made up crazy time going down them on the bike. And, yes, my legs still felt like jello at the start of my run. But if you know what to expect and when it will disappear you can fight through the desire to walk and continue on. The TRI is a lot of work but it is well worth it. I enjoyed the whole 2 hours and I can now brag that I've done one. That is what the pic is. Me bragging on my car. I'm sure I'll get weird looks and probably a few offers but I like it. And I will definitely do the TRI again next year.
Monday, October 3, 2011
The Uninvited
This past weekend was rather busy but I enjoyed every minute of it. I did no running and no dating, so there is little of my weekend I can post. I knew I would have no time to do my long run on Saturday, like normal, and so I rescheduled it to Friday. I felt great after and I think I'm up for the 26.2 challenge in 12 days. I've barely started my taper and I'm already feeling antsy. Although, thinking about it, it could just be that I haven't put on my running shoes since Friday. Tomorrow, I'm hoping to do 6 miles and the only thing that would stop me is weather and time. I like to run in the morning, it makes me feel that I've accomplished something, but I always feel the time crunch to be ready for work.
A lot of things have happened after starting this blog, see previous posts. Another one is that an old friend, who is also a hot single professional lady, contacted me and was sharing her horror stories in dating. The most recent being a date when an uninvited guest "popped up". It was only the second date and she had made it VERY clear that it was not going to go any further then kissing. (Bravo, I say. Make them work a little.) A few minutes into kissing, his "little friend" showed up at the party, and as this clearly wasn't what she signed up for she promptly left. I'm very thankful that this is the worst that happened and other then being a little shocked she will live to date again.
I also had a run in with an errant penis this weekend. In the form of a picture text. It was from, Stan, a guy I've been talking to for awhile but haven't done much with lately. He's recently started a new path in life and didn't feel up to dating seriously but still wanted to remain friends with possibly dating later. Eh, I can always use more friends in CLE and he is fun. (He also always seems more interested in me when he thinks I'm dating someone. Kind of like a 7yo boy who only wants something when someone else is playing with it.) But, I don't think a picture of anyone's junk is appropriate if I haven't seen it in real life! I was a bit shocked but it was funny in a way, as it totally fit with the weekends activities. Is this some new way of telling me he's ready to date? Take this to the next level?
Either way an uninvited penis is just a bad party guest.
A lot of things have happened after starting this blog, see previous posts. Another one is that an old friend, who is also a hot single professional lady, contacted me and was sharing her horror stories in dating. The most recent being a date when an uninvited guest "popped up". It was only the second date and she had made it VERY clear that it was not going to go any further then kissing. (Bravo, I say. Make them work a little.) A few minutes into kissing, his "little friend" showed up at the party, and as this clearly wasn't what she signed up for she promptly left. I'm very thankful that this is the worst that happened and other then being a little shocked she will live to date again.
I also had a run in with an errant penis this weekend. In the form of a picture text. It was from, Stan, a guy I've been talking to for awhile but haven't done much with lately. He's recently started a new path in life and didn't feel up to dating seriously but still wanted to remain friends with possibly dating later. Eh, I can always use more friends in CLE and he is fun. (He also always seems more interested in me when he thinks I'm dating someone. Kind of like a 7yo boy who only wants something when someone else is playing with it.) But, I don't think a picture of anyone's junk is appropriate if I haven't seen it in real life! I was a bit shocked but it was funny in a way, as it totally fit with the weekends activities. Is this some new way of telling me he's ready to date? Take this to the next level?
Either way an uninvited penis is just a bad party guest.
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