Sunday, October 16, 2016

That Time I was an Unknowing Lesbian

This post almost seems non important or relevant now but it makes me laugh every time I think about it. The subject took place around Easter and I found out about it a couple weeks later. I've been meaning to write it up ever since but one thing after another kept making me postpone it. And now I'm mid kitchen tear out, but I'm waiting on some material.

It started with a text from my cousin on my mom's side to my sister informing her that during a convo between my cousin  and her parents about my sister's wedding, my uncle said, "Yeah, good for Laura. She'll be so much happier now that she's come out." My cousin was a little taken aback but asked her parents for more info to which they said that my mother showed them a picture of me and "my partner." My open minded and all inclusive cousin wanted to be supportive but wanted to make sure she had the situation correct before texting me to congratulate me on coming out and was therefore checking with my sister. This completely confused my sister and caused her to call my mom.

It's at this point that even more misunderstanding comes in. When my sister reaches my mother she's at dinner with her friend Louis but Sophie hears "I'm at Lowes, I'll call you when I get home." Sophie thinks, "ok, she'll call in about 30 min." Sophie then starts to analyze the short convo. My mother told her the story wasn't true but my mom quickly ended the phone call. To which Sophie reads as, "she doesn't want to talk about this." My mom came to Cleveland the week before, Laura must have come out then. And now she's coming home to tell me. Hours go by and my sister is stuck in her head thinking the craziest thoughts. "I know Laura's not gay but mom was quick to end the call. She's coming home this weekend, is she going to come out to me? WHY AM I THE LAST ONE THAT KNOWS THIS!!" Meanwhile, her husband is in the background telling her the rumor isn't true, that I like guys, and she's being crazy. So after a couple of hours my sister calls my parents house but reaches my dad, who informs her that my mother is still not home. Sophie is flabbergasted that mom is still at Lowes and my dad informs her that she's not at Lowes but at dinner with Louis. Sophie then tells my dad that she needs to talk to my mom and that she is to call her when she gets home, NO MATTER WHAT TIME. SHE NEEDS TO TALK TO HER. (Later, when my dad found out about why my sister was calling he gave her mad props for not outing me to him.)
My "partner" and I

About an hour later my mom finally calls her and between the two of them they realize that while my parents were at my aunt and uncles for Easter my mom showed pictures of my sisters wedding. One of the pictures (I can see it clearly in my head) is just me and my sister's business partner but my mom said "and this is her partner" meaning Sophie's business partner not Laura's lesbian life partner.

To clear up the rumor my mother contacts my uncle and asks to have lunch with him, which throws him for loop cause she never asks to have lunch. At lunch my mother informs him of the miscommunication, to which he got defensive and blamed her. Bless my mom, she remained calm and explained the picture was me with my sister's business partner. My uncle got so worked up he put his hands to his head, walked into the kitchen of the restaurant and poured himself a cup of coffee, exclaiming "Oh! Oh! It makes so much more sense now." My aunt and uncle went with the lesbian thing due to the ""partner" picture, my haircut, and my masculine presence."

Now! Mind you this is all happening without my knowledge. When I finally get home my parents ask me to sit down, they need to talk to me. This immediately puts me on edge. They then tell me that my aunt and uncle have believed me to be gay for the past month but not to worry they have corrected the misunderstanding and proceed to tell me the story. I have never laughed so hard. I can see each misunderstanding. Each miscommunication. Each assumption. The exact picture. I think my parents thought I would be mad, my uncle and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. But I see nothing wrong with being gay, nor anything bad about being thought to be gay. Also, it's nice to know that my extended family would be excepting.

So that's the time I was a lesbian for a month.

1 comment:

Running Meg said...

HAHAHAHHA! This is such an awesome miscommunication. It reads like an episode on a sitcom. Props to your family for being so accepting of you even if you aren't actually gay.