Tuesday, November 8, 2011

A Real Good Hummer

My life has been a little boring lately. Not really running at the moment and there's only so much I can say about boxing. It's fun and I'm getting better. My love life has sucked and I'm not making much progress there. So.... Let's revisit a past date!
I met this guy on Eharm about 3 years ago. I think I was still in the apartment. He seemed nice. They all seem nice, though. He had a degree in aerospace or something in engineering, so I couldn't figure out why he was working for a men's clothing retailer. I'm sure we talked about it but I can't remember, obviously he didn't make much of an impression. He was a little on the feminine side. Long slender fingers, tall and thin. He was no "Girlie hand Bryan" but he wasn't exactly my type, either. Our first date was brief and over coffee/tea. I had coffee, he had tea. It wasn't strained or awkward and I therefore agreed to a second date. This time we met for dinner at a Thai restaurant. As soon as the coconut shrimp soup came I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere and if I couldn't control myself I might stab him with my soup spoon. What did he say? Was he inappropriate? Did he try to order for you?!
No, it was none of those things. He just hummed when he ate. EVERY TIME he took a bite, he hummed. With his soup. With his entree. With his dessert. Slurp of soup, "Hmmmmmm." Bite of rice, "Hmmmmmm." And he sat across from me! If I could hear him over 3 feet of table how loud would he be if I had to sit next to him? I knew that after the fourth bite I just had to make it through dinner. He wanted to continue but I knew that if I had to fight to control my stabby hand for just one dinner there was no way I wouldn't be convicted of murder after the fourth. I'm sure I could have said something. Maybe he could have controlled it. But the moment he slipped, stabby hand would be there!

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